Just call me a diva.

Photo by Matt Coats at Flickr.

[In response to today's Plinky prompt: "Give us your unreasonable demands. How does your backstage rider read? What will it take for you to release the hostages?"]

Trivial or serious, theoretically possible or totally outrageous: my [short list] of unreasonable demands. (Those hostages aren't going anywhere for a long, long, time!)

No more money worries.

The standard answer would be a million dollars, but sadly that just doesn't buy much anymore. So I was going to say a billion dollars, but with inflation and the stock market crash, I don't think a fixed sum is going to cover me for the rest of my life. So I want $250,000 a year, retroactive to the day I was born, with an annual 10% cost of living increase.

Forgiveness of all my credit card debts.

The mortgage and the car loan I don't mind so much, and the student loans are almost paid off, but the credit card companies just SUCK!!!

A new Toyota Camry.

Really not such an unreasonable request, but my husband needs his own damn car already!

No end to the Outlander series!

But all of the sequels have to be just as good as (or better than) the 5 that are already out...

Goodie's, come back!

Stores and restaurants that I love never to go out of business, products that I love never to be discontinued, TV shows I love never to be cancelled (caveat: see previous demand).

No more TV sales hawks like Billy Mays!

STOP YELLING AT ME!!!!!!

Professional assistants to do my hair, makeup, and nails everyday.

And most importantly, to take my makeup off at the end of the day ('cause I hate doing that). And while we're at it, a personal shopper to make sure that I stay up-to-date in the latest fashions (but only the things that look fabulous on me). Better add a cleaning crew for the house, too, so it always looks as good as I do. Oh and a personal chef, so it's as easy for me to maintain my ideal weight as it is for the celebrities.

My ideal vacation home.

A big, gorgeous old house in the town where my dad grew up, complete with a fully-stocked scrapbook studio. Also a kindly old caretaker couple to live on the property full-time, so I don't have to worry about the place being vacant all winter.

My own traffic lane wherever I go.

I love to drive, but I really hate traffic.

Time on my side.

Enough hours in every day to get done everything that needs to get done!