31Things | Day Eleven: Nourish

My refrigerator: keeper of
cold food, and repository of
childrens' art.

Like most American women, I have a complicated relationship with food. I definitely don't live to eat, though; rather, I eat to live. And that's it. I still remember the old Jetsons cartoon family, living in the 21st century (lol) and consuming an entire meal in a single pellet - I loved that idea! Sort of disappointed that hasn't materialized yet.

I think the biggest thing that really keeps me from enjoying food is that I just can't be bothered to stop and eat. There is always something else I'd rather be doing. And never mind the time it takes to actually cook the meal and do the dishes! Getting hungry is an inconvenience I'd just rather not deal with.

I also have an issue with texture, and this is one of those things that makes me wonder if I am not also high-functioning autistic, like my children. There are so many foods that I just don't like the way it feels in my mouth, or going down my throat. Like pudding. Yuck.

Finally, food can get kind of boring. I tend to eat the same "safe" things over and over again, especially at home, and it gets tiresome after a while. But the list of things I'll eat is so limited, sometimes it's hard to find something new that I like. On the list of things I won't eat is barbeque sauce, Asian food (I suspect this is a combination of texture and culture shock from living in Japan), and seafood (definitely a texture issue). My favorites include chicken parmesan, club sandwiches, homemade meatloaf, and beef stroganov (but only my mother's recipe). I love fruit, but only a few vegetables, mainly only the green ones (but no bell peppers! They give me indigestion).

I am seriously addicted to ice cream and Diet Dr Pepper.

Further complicating matters is the whole weight-and-dieting struggle. It's no secret that I gained almost 100lbs. during my four years in college, and I've been fighting ever since to take it off, with varying results. I really can't go on a "diet" because it tends to make me obsess over food; and it's hard not to eat when I'm thinking about food all day long. Thankfully, since last spring my portions have decreased to about 1/2 of what they had been, and now what's on my plate is actually pretty close to the guidelines recommended by the USDA. Except when I eat ice cream. I mean, come on, is there really anybody who only eats 1/4 cup at a time???

I try really hard not to pass my food neuroses onto my children, but I know they are very observant and have probably figured out more than I think they know. With Hannah in particular I am very careful about not criticizing my body or making comments about dieting. Even when I've been making good progress losing weight. And I'm careful about what I say to her, too, about her eating habits and her body. I endured some pretty horrible and hurtful comments from my mother about my body when I was growing up (which she conveniently doesn't remember), and I am determined not to do the same to my daughter. If she is going to have a poor body image, it won't be because of me. She also doesn't watch non-children's programming on TV, so I think that helps limit her media exposure - they are a big part of the problem, and I'm sure that all the years I spent reading Seventeen and YM didn't help me feel good about myself. Even though there was nothing wrong with my child body.

20/20 vision definitely only comes in hindsight.

What is your favorite food?